WHY AM I DOING THIS? WHY
ME? (continued)
In reflecting, there were unusual instances throughout
the years I wondered about, but so infrequent that I thought them just
odd or possibly imagined, so I ignored them and concentrated on surviving.
However, some were more notable and prominent: |
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in the late ‘80’s, while driving a friend
home, I casually mentioned breaking down on the highway with the children
in the car. I began saying, “Boy, does God love me”…ready
to continue about how someone stopped to help, when I was interrupted
by a “picture” in full color out of my left eye. It was
a clear, picture of the Crucifixion. The sky was almost turquoise blue,
brown soil came to a mound, Christ was nailed, but there was no blood,
no crown of thorns. Simultaneously, I heard, “THIS is how I love
you”. I got the message immediately. It wasn’t the help
sent on the road, but for the first time I understood the Church’s
teaching -- how Christ would have gone through all He did even if just
for me. I always thought it was something dramatic for them to say.
Interestingly, I didn’t feel guilt, because it wasn’t shown
for me to feel guilt, just the degree of Love, and that’s what
I felt. It wasn’t something for them to say, it was for me to
know! |
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and, in January, ‘89, I was trying to console
a mother who lost her only child in the bombing of Pan Am Flight 103.
I was the marketing rep assigned to her and others for anything they
needed. One day, she talked about missing her daughter and I said, “Just
think, where she is now there are flowers all over and the birds are
chirping”. I felt foolish for blurting out birds would be “chirping” and
in heaven, no less. I wanted to push the words back into my mouth,
but it was too late. While I was thinking, “Where did THAT come
from?”, she said, “How unusual for you to say that”.
(I thought NO KIDDING) “We went to the cemetery today; the stone
we ordered was ready….we chose a stone with birds all over it”! |
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also in the late ‘80’s, I was with my daughter in her
room, changing over seasonal clothes. (I always prayed for help, and
depending how tired and discouraged I was, God would hear, “But
Your Word says this, or this scripture says that, and how come nothing
happens, why aren’t my prayers answered?”) We were talking
about the clothes, when this time, I heard a BOOMING voice in my right
ear, that was unexpected but didn’t frighten me, (I’ve
never heard that tone since) “I KEEP my promises. SOMETIMES,
you HAVE TO WAIT!” |
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“I don’t know
why I’m directed to do this work instead of selling airline seats
or hotel rooms. I don’t know until I see reactions, until I see
strained faces relax, until I see tears of relief and joy and knowing
and acceptance and peace. I want to change things for people who come
to me, to “fix”, and make things better in their lives. I
can’t. That’s not my job. My job is only to deliver the message
and for the recipient to embrace it and allow it to do what it’s
meant to do…..bring them to a better place than where they were
before they heard it!”
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